Living a cultivated and purposeful family life is a huge undertaking.
There is a BIG learning curve first as a new parent, and then as a family learning each time a precious new member is added.
It takes consistent conscious efforts every single day to cultivate a family lifestyle that incorporates the family values that you want your family to possess.
Each family has a different set of family values, whether they realize it or not. Choosing what to focus on by intent or default is what shapes families.
It is the small purposeful activities, routines, and traditions that strengthen family ties and reinforce value systems.
For example, my husband and I both have a strong work ethic. We were raised that way by amazing parents and teaching our children to work hard is a huge priority for us.
Creating that family value of working hard requires daily commitment. Sometimes momentary commitments. Of patience. And endurance.
Teaching my child to clean their room is not just an arbitrary chore that I think they probably should learn. Teaching my child to clean their room is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE to myself and my husband. We INSIST on teaching them and we remain dedicated through all the whining, complaining, and time investment it takes to actually teach a child to clean their room and then making sure they do it every day.
It would be SOOOOO much easier to just do their contributions myself. It would take me less than five minutes to do each child’s contributions yet some days it takes hours of reminders for them to do it. It is exasperating, exhausting, and unbearable a lot of the time to require that my children contribute. BUT WE INSIST THAT THEY CONTRIBUTE! And they know we do.
We look at it as a long term investment in their future. They will not clean their room fast today, tomorrow, or in a few years. Maybe never. However, they will learn that their contributions matter and that their parents love them enough to help them discover the joy of a job well done. In my post How To Teach Kids To Clean Their Room, I emphasize that the last step is the most important: Positive Affirmation!
We try to implement our Family Value of Hard Work in a fun way for the kids. We have contests, play loud music (The Greatest Showman track, anyone?), and give incentives that vary from day to day and week to week. If it is autumn time, we probably have a bag of candy corn in the house so once in awhile I will put them in a bowl and tell them if they pick up ten things, they may have one treat. It’s amazing how fast they will work for one piece of candy!
Sometimes the person who finishes their contributions first gets to choose what activity we do that night (game night, STEAM night, Read-A-Thon, movie night, go to a park). Any child that goes the extra mile (works quickly, cleans thoroughly, or helps a sibling finish their chores) is always pulled aside and praised and often rewarded with extra My Time.
It also helps to let natural consequences stand.
“You distracted your brother while he was supposed to be cleaning his room? Now you get to help him finish.”
Kids love simple logic, even if it is not in their favor.
As parents we create our Family Value system based on our own experiences, good or bad. We keep the good ones to cultivate with our own family, and leave the bad ones out.
We adapt as needed for individual children and their needs, but the common belief is never changed.
It takes purposeful, intentional efforts to create the Family Value System that you want for your family. It doesn’t just happen with no effort. It is not a result of personality or circumstances. It is a result of clarity of purpose and intentional actions towards a common goal.
There are so many amazing families with incredible family values all around us in this world!
WHAT VALUES DO YOU SEE AND ADMIRE IN OTHER FAMILIES?